New Year, new you, right? January and the New Year are often the starting point for important weight loss and fitness goals, but don’t become blind to those who are losing weight for the wrong reasons.
To be clear, if your friends and family have weight loss or fitness goals, they need your love and support, and sometimes your acknowledgement. But even when you mean it as a compliment, don’t comment on others’ weight loss unless you have that kind of relationship with someone and you know they’re working towards a goal.
I want to spell out an inappropriate situation with a time that really resonated for me. A dear friend and colleague was losing weight – it happened slowly, over a long period of time. At the lowest point, she was hovering around 110 lbs, which isn’t unreasonable for a 5’4″ frame, but she didn’t look like herself anymore. Her weight loss was the result of coming to terms with the fact she was involved in an abusive relationship. She was anxious all the time, her appetite significantly lowered, and any sleep she got was plagued with anxious dreams. She was regularly taking sick days when she was too anxious to leave the house.
I’ll never forget when her manager ran into her in the hallway and said “You know, I just want to say it looks like you’ve been losing weight, you’re looking great!” My heart sank.
What she needed was love and support, not empty compliments that just reinforce unrealistic or unhealthy beauty standards. Even more dangerously, her manager interpreted weight loss as maybe a sign of positive change or a can-do attitude, instead of being at a dangerous low. These polar opposite and extreme perspectives would certainly change the way you interact with someone. Imagine being an employer and thinking your employee is at the top of their game, when really, they’re at rock bottom. At a time when they may need a smaller workload and for you to be more flexible, with the wrong perspective, you might think they’re ready to take on new challenges or more responsibilities.
Whether it’s a co-worker, acquaintance, close friend, or family member, keep in mind that not all weight loss is a sign of positive change. If you notice someone is losing weight, take a minute to ask yourself if you’ve noticed anything else change – are they showing up to work on time? Are they engaging in their usual social activities? Are they meeting deadlines? Are they still acting like themselves?
If you’re worried and comfortable enough, find some time to talk to that person privately. Even just starting with a “hey, how are you doing?” can make a world of difference. If that idea is too uncomfortable, try to find someone else close to them that you can talk to.
I’m happy to report that my friend is back in a loving relationship. Because of all the societal pressure women face related to weight, putting weight back on was difficult. But I told her it made me happy to see her looking like herself again.
Be kind to others, you never know what they’re going through.